Thursday we where performing in Glen Innes, a small country town far away from sydney. Because we didn’t have any MC with us this weekend, we had to do it ourself…it worked out quite alright I must say…and things happens for a reason, I actually think the show got so much more personal and the audience liked it too. In the end our camera messed up (audience can get a picture with us) and the other girls had to go out the back and sort it out…I had to stay back and entertain…No problem with that but because it took so long I had to pull out “some extra” so I ended up singing a couple of songs and everybody was dancing like it was the best party ever… It was a very fun night!!! Actually we found a guy passed out on the balcony with one of our pictures in his back pocket hahaha golden moment
Since Thursday I’ve been sitting in a car for approx 20 hours driving to gigs…we could have shortened it a couple of hours yesterday if we didn’t listen to the club owner who told us to take the “short” way. It turned out to be a bit of a “wild goose chase”. Ended up in the middle of nowhere without phone reception (I survived), and when we finally arrived to the venue in Singleton we where so stressed getting everything set up and get ready…But as I told “Nikki” the driver; “We did have A MOMENT out there so I was very happy that we went off the highway”…and she agreed. It was so beautiful and peaceful…And the end of the day, we made it, everybody was happy.
…and I saw red dirt for the first time!!
How beautiful is this?
Far away from the busy city…
I love being on tour, specially when I go places I wouldn’t have gone by myself…
The sun is down, now it’s time to put on the showgirl face and entertain those country people
Today I just received some exciting mail from “overseas”…WOOHOO a wedding invitation I was expecting it, but to have it in your hands just makes it so much more REAL!!
A lot of my friends are getting married while I’m still searching for my one and only, some are also pregnant (like Tina and Allan Lund <3… it’s so fantastic) and I feel I’m missing out on some very important moments in their life when I live so far away, it makes me sad….Unfortunately the tickets are MF’er expensive from Australia so it’s not just something I do – it has to be planned and saved up to.
When I bought the ticket the other day to come back to Denmark next month, it felt like I was going to spew when I realized how much money I just pulled out of my account with a simple click…But I can’t explain how excited I am to see my friends again and when you think about it, it’s JUST money. I believe if you sent out good energy it will always come back to you and all the beautiful moments I’m gonna have in that one week in Denmark, is not something that I would experience every day…
All this “stress” about money have made me think of something: When we die we leave everything on earth. We don’t take anything with us. Even the richest people cannot take their money with them after death. And I think we have to remind ourself that some material or worldly things are not really so valuable as we may think.
I realized a lot of things when I last year decided to get rid of all my material pleasures. “I had it all”, but I still wasn’t happy. Living as a student in Australia has forced me change my lifestyle, but it has also changed what I find important…I still work a lot so I can have my money, but the way I spend it is different from when I lived in Denmark
You can’t take your money with you when you die – so I’m gonna spend it on something really valuable for me and that’s moments of happiness with people I care about…
So yes I’m coming to Denmark to be at some very lovely people’s wedding AND later this year I’m gonna take my dad on a Safari trip….and then I think my bank will tell me that “you are officially broke my dear”, but I will be the richest person in my heart
I don’t know what’s wrong with me at the moment, maybe it’s the change in weather here in Australia…It’s getting cold and I’m loosing my motivation…I think everybody knows that feeling.
How to find it again???
Well I’ve been doing some “self-talk” and that got me through my school today…But the reason why I’m here in Australia is my pole dancing!!! And because I’ve been doing so many burlesque shows lately I got away from my hardcore pole training and I miss it SO much. I’m still up on the pole around 4 days a week, but it’s without a goal and I hate that Who am I???
Well today I came by this video from when I was new in Australia…Look at that energy…I wanna have that back….and I’m gonna get it back.
3,2,1 stop whinging, I’m my own worst enemy…I’m only wasting my own time. I’ve done it before so I can do it again….and in the beginning of the year I had some big goals for 2 competitions this year…better get back into my “Kronborg-bootcamp” if I wanna achieve them. I know it’s not gonna be easy…but I’m not getting anywhere if I’m sitting here complaining
1st thing to be changed = Stop bullshitting myself with bad excuses
2nd thing = JUST DO IT
If you have something you wanna achieve, I will recommend to get some goals down on paper (maybe post-it’s on your mirror). It takes time to change bad habits, but it can be done…trust me. Maybe find out what’s holding you back, that’s always scary but VERY helpful. And find pictures or videos that can motivate you. Maybe a motto to repeat to yourself when your mind tries to trick you back into the bad habits…
Yesterday I had a “stress” dream about being late for my plane…I’ve had those kinds of dreams before. It often involve my brothers in the states, actually every time. Today I decided to look it up and the meaning is quite interesting…
From the internet;Missing the plane, running late or losing your ticket is a very common dream theme which generally reflects your hesitation about your goals. We’re all pretty brilliant at putting obstacles in our path, delaying success through fear. The details in these dreams can reveal where your thinking is at odds with your desired goal and what to do to change this. Air often symbolises the mind, or thought (‘airy’) in contrast to the ground which can symbolise the solidity of more physical things (‘grounded’). Dreams about planes tend to show the outcome of our thinking patterns (our planes of thought) or ideas. Ideally we would hope that all our ideas ultimately reach their destination, and ‘ground’ themselves in physical form…
Short meaning: You feel you’ve missed some opportunity in your waking life; you’re too late; you can’t make a connection, that you need to pull yourself together to make the connections you desire.
I find this meaning very “scary”…I’ve always imagined myself ending up in the states with my family, but here I am in Australia…so far away from everything…Damn, now I’m thinking…What am I doing here? What is it that makes me feel I am “too late”? What am I currently trying to accomplish in my waking life?…Oh God I feel lost now!!!
All this might be true and be something in my unconscious mind, but it could also just be because I was stressing about getting my plane ticket sorted out for coming to Denmark next month
So I did that…I’m coming home to be at some very special friends wedding …I’m so excited cause they are so beautiful from the inside and out and I won’t miss out on this day when they say yes to each other…I love true romance and some people are just meant to be together…and they are!!
Denmark see you next month
…and I don’t think I’m too late for my dream. If I’m meant to end up in the states, I will Everything is meant to be whatever happens!!
Time goes by so fast…21 years ago it was the last Mothers Day I had with my mum before she passed away, I was only 12 years old. I’m not sad, but at special days like this I wish I could have her by my side or be able to make a phone call. My mum has been dead more years that I had her alive so I really don’t know how it would be to have her around…
I do remember her. She was always very positive and had a very loud laugh. A lot of customers came into the bakery shop because of her and she was always so happy. Even at the local dance school she was a big personality and she often had great ideas to make a performance more fun or just turn a normal day at the school to something special…Many people loved my mum.
She passed away in 1991 and I still get letters from people that knew her and tells me sweet stories about how they knew her and how they remember her. She’s an “angel” and even though she’s not here in person, she’s still alive in many hearts.
My mum got cancer back in 1984. It started in the breast, some of the cells from breast feeding me turned “bad” and she had to have one of the breast removed. Unfortunately it didn’t help and the cancer kept coming back (in the same breast). Up till (I think it was) 1987 she just had normal surgery to get the lumps removed. And at one point she went in to have one removed, and because she didn’t have time to the full anesthesia she said to the doctors “Just do a Outpatient Surgery I have to get back to the shop”…and that time they found 5 lumps!!! After that they decided to give her laser therapy and I remember I went with my mum to Copenhagen and helped her and spend the day with her…and as a treat I always got a McDonalds Happy Meal on the way home…I know it was a sad situation, but I just loved spending time with her and singing along to Abba in the car.
The years after went well, but around 1989 they discovered some spots on the lunges. The laser therapy couldn’t reach that and they had to swop to chemotherapy…That was when everything suddenly turned around and her mood too. We’ve seen a lot of friends pass away because of the chemotherapy and my mum got really scared…
One day when I was on my way out to my horse I heard my mum crying from the toilet and I went out to check on her…there she was crying and pulling her hair out from her head. I screamed and threw myself down on the floor and I couldn’t understand why this was happening…I didn’t want it to be true – I didn’t want to see her sad.
All the time she’s been taking me along to doctors appointments, even though I was very young, so I knew what was going on. She’s always raised me knowing that I might wouldn’t have her around and prepared me for a life without her…I can’t imagine how that would have been for her!!!!
Around 1990 the doctors said that she was 100% free of cancer, we where celebrating and my mum started dreaming about a future with me….But one night back in 1991 she suddenly got some kind of attack as we were watching “Pretty Woman”. My dad was asleep upstairs when I screamed….I remember I was so upset and scared that I couldn’t remember our address when I called the ambulance, I just screamed “come and help her, she’s dying”. The doctors didn’t knew at first what caused the strange attack, but a couple of month after they found out that the cancer had walked with the blood to the brain!!!
The brain tumor was so big at that point that they didn’t dare to do anything about it, so we got told it was just a matter of time…It could take month, years or only weeks…I think she stayed alive for 6 month after that, really don’t remember much from that point cause it was all bad and I’ve chosen to just remember the good things about her.
Tuesday morning October 29th 1991 I woke up around 6am cause she was screaming so much because of the pain in her body. I went down to find my dad have been sitting there all night with her to try to calm her down…As I came down he wanted to go to the toilet and while he was out there I watched my mum pass away…Maybe I’m just imagining this, but I’m pretty sure I could see her soul raise from her body and after that she was just so peaceful. My dad told me to close her eyes and 2 minutes after the ambulance came, but it was to late…
I miss you every day mum…Happy Mother Day where ever you are…I know you are there somewhere watching me!!
How funny is this tour? These girls are crazy and I love it…
Right now I’m sitting in bed enjoying a glass of wine while I’m writing this (with a lot of clothes on cause it’s freezing at night here in Oz)
Our show went REALLY well tonight. I’ve been mixing music and doing playlist all day and it ran super smooth…proud of my DJ/Dancing/MC skills can be handy in situations like this.
Actually I was so relaxed that I had time to take a pic before I went on stage in my cowgirl solo cossie…Here you go:
After the show we all stayed back to have a drink and I soon found myself on the dance floor dancing with a russian guy who told me after 5 minutes that he only got 1 testicle and will never be able to have kids…Why do I get these informations??? Anyway the band who played after our show was great…
Because I didn’t have dinner before the show I got tipsy fast and what happens when you get tipsy?…You crave for Maccas (McDonalds). The 3 of us found a drive thru in Tamworth and while we where waiting for our food our driver had to run to the toilet really bad. We asked if they had a restroom and they said “Yes, but it’s not open to the public”…What do we do then??? I said to her; “Hey just do it in the side…”…and she did
But the 18 year old manager didn’t like my suggestion and ran out and pointed fingers and yelled; “Indecent exposure – You are banned from Maccas”…We laughed cause she couldn’t stop…and the other crazy dancer answered back “Dude, there’s another one down the road hahaha!!
Ah well maybe this might be my last McDonalds meal ever…cause we’re banned Sorry!!!
Tonight was the 2nd night on our tour. Compared to yesterday, this town is so small (read shit hole) and all the guys definitely expected a strip show and not a burlesque show…yes there is a difference…and it’s spelled with an U …BURLESQUE!!
Our show is a fully packed 2,5 hours show/production and we bring everything (sound, light, raffle gifts, magazines (not with me in though), posters). Opening show, 3 solos, a break, 2 solo’s and a grand finale. And one of my act’s is an extended version of my Skull Show from “Miss Burlesque Victoria”…I love that show, but it’s a bit weird if the audience is waiting for “the stripper” to just throw some clothes…So by looking at the audience tonight I was thinking “Oh God this is gonna be the longest 10 minutes of my life”…they will not get my humor and the point at all…if you don’t know what I’m talking about – check this out:
I walked out there and instead of starting on stage I walked through the crowd and already at that point I could feel that they liked the different style I had…They ended up LOVING my skull show and it was like the energies toward what we where doing suddenly changed….they kinda got more respect for burlesque and started to understand that it’s the art of how you take your clothes of.
I’m so proud of my show/ideas really works for any crowd and blessed that I’m about to change people’s mind about striptease, burlesque, small or big boobs etc…I don’t care if it’s only a few per night, just as long as I know I’m doing something good for how men look at women in this industry and in general….I believe that all this burlesque will bring back the gentleman at some point. If women respect themself on stage, it will only show a strong confident girl…and who won’t respect that?
I’ve changed my mind from when I lived in Denmark and was very hostile toward “strippers”. By living in Australia and seeing all those great performers doing their thing I’m still stoked by being one of them. I’m learning so much…
And I will learn how to do all the fire tricks next week, I’m so excited…Those girls are so cool.
Ps I’ve been a bad girl tonight. Me and one of the other dancers where so hungry that we found some food in the venue’s kitchen (closed) and sneaked it up to our room…Hahaha felt like being a teenager stealing food, but what to do…it’s not like there’s any 7-11 around the corner in this shit hole
This morning when I went to school I was carrying all my sh*t for my tour, cause we where leaving straight after for our “Burlesque Babes Tour”…3 big bags, a suitcase and my skull on the stick and I was fighting getting up and down the stairs. Looking around and thinking “I’m a blond girl, not that bad looking and I can’t get any help???” WTF??? Where are all the gentlemen??? …and who helped me…a girl…I was so grateful, thank you sweet girl you definitely made my day.
I know I’ve met a true gentleman (thank you universe and my fairy twin), but seriously guys… I think we need to bring back some manners. I can only talk for myself, but I’m a girl who LOVES when a guy opens the car door for me, pull out my chair and just respect me for the woman I am. You need to step it up my lovely men and get back on track. The energies between a man and a woman just get so much better when you pull out THE MAN..Try it and you’ll have a princess that will purr like a little pussycat..It’s a good investment
Well the rest of my day was VERY stressful, cutting showmusic in the car and 20 mins before show start I still haven’t got any make up on…Any way, small mistakes and some major ones (forgot our guns for our gangster show and noticed it 30 seconds before we went back on stage – had to pretend with our fingers – worked out well though )…We (3 girls) pulled 2,5 hours show off and I’m very happy about my performances tonight.
It’s 2.30 and I’m sitting on my hotel bed drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers (which we stole from the venue cause we didn’t have any dinner). Sitting with the girls and laughing when we think back at the whole night…I love being on tour.
Arghhhh going on tour tomorrow and I still need to finish my costumes (sew, glue and do), mix music and come up with 10 minutes choreography…Just put out what I have to work with Water guns, sparkles, balloons etc you know the usual stuff I had in the closet hahaha
Just finished last rehearsals for the group choreography and we’re NOT done…Lucky that we’re all showgirls, I’m not worried at all. First show tomorrow night – gonna be a lot of smiling…I actually like being a little unprepared it always give a bit of extra excitement and good energy. Just as long as the beginning of the show is perfect…
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME????? As I’m writing this I just got a txt that they’ve checked up on original emails and I HAVE TO DO ONE MORE SOLO….SH*T!!
Well it means no sleep for me tonight, gotta be creative cause I don’t think my Miss Burlesque Shows will fit in those places we’re going, plus they’re not 10 minutes and I’m using one of the costumes for my new one, damn… WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS???
Well one good thing is that I’ve packed the most of my personal stuff…and vitamins So now it’s just toilet bag and two more costumes and props…which I have to carry to school tomorrow morning cause we’re leaving straight after…
Take a deep breath Miss Sparkie, it’s gonna be fine…You are a showgirl!!
…and mom I didn’t forget you today. Happy birthday <3 If you were still on earth you would have been 65 today…Wish I could call you in heaven and sing for you and tell you how much I love you…but I can’t so now I’m sitting with tears in my eyes…damn.
Rehearsing for “the tour”, but here we’re just playing around coming up with some ideas for a Michael Jackson number…and after a very long day with school, pole training etc my mind is a bit silly…nah when I think about it maybe that’s just how I always am hahaha
but because it took so long I had to pull out “some extra” so I ended up singing a couple of songs and everybody was dancing like it was the best party ever… It was a very fun night!!! Actually we found a guy passed out on the balcony with one of our pictures in his back pocket hahaha golden moment 
Who am I???
